Walls all around

How ironic is it that after my last post I hear from a family member that they are unhappy about my description of my family as "broken"? I have been hesitant to post ever since. But, after several days of thinking about it here is what I have come up with: 1. If you are offended by anything in this blog....don't read it.
2. The views discussed in this blog are of the author and the author only.
3. Why must everything be about my family of origin....I have moved on.
Obviously I am beyond annoyed and a little angry. But, it is time for me to move on from this too and get back to enjoying why I began my personal blog in the first place.

Now, not to sound too bipolar, on to happier things.

I have gone back to knitting. Have I mentioned how much I love to knit. Every Wednesday I knit with a church group for an hour and with some friends, at the Red Cup, for two. Three hours of community knitting.....I love it. For a variety of reasons, a new baby and a husband who has been busy at work to name a few, I have not been able to make it to my knitting groups much in the past 6 weeks. My knitting had dwindled to a stop and I wondered if this was just another fleeting hobby. Last night I got to go to church and knit....now, I am back. I had such a great time and all of these project ideas have popped into my head. I even planned a little Knitting Get-A-Way for spring break....it is just an afternoon at SWAT in Guthrie, but I can't wait. My favorite thing about this particular knitting group are all of the people. We are all different ages, at different places in our life, but we are just "girlfriends" when it comes to knitting.

I have not put sewing completely on hold, but I am "briefly pausing." I have two baby quilts I am working on for friends.

The biggest excitement lately is the new computer I am typing on right now. I made the switch from a PC to a MAC.....LOVE IT! I am still figuring it all out, but generally speaking.....it has changed my life.:)

Breaking Down the Walls

I have been very into the Creative Moms Podcast. I listen to it while working out a lot...if I loose the 30 pounds I am going for I owe it partially to Amy of Creative Moms.:) Today I had listened to the most recent podcast, so I went back and downloaded the first one. Since then, I have been thinking about the walls that are around me and those that I might help build around others. Several things came to mind.

My grandfather was dying of lung cancer and I became very interested in recording some family history that I felt like was dying with him. I made up a questionnaire and gave it to several family members to fill out. I also asked that they include some pictures. I had a great response and they shared wonderful insight about my themselves. I was so excited. Then I sat down to write....the plan was to weave the stories together into something compelling to read. I began with my Grandma Brown and some of her stories. When I was finished with the first draft, I gave it to my dad to read. He hated it. He said that I had all of the facts wrong. I was crushed. For one, how do you get the facts wrong, when they are sitting right in front of you? I don't think I have sat down to write down anything outside of personal journals and papers for school. I still have all of the questionnaires, but I have no idea what I will do with them. Regardless, I was motivated today to keep writing...good, bad, or otherwise writing is a passion and something I can really pass down to my boys.

Hence this blog. It is an attempt to expose my writing gently.

The podcast also got me thinking about my interest in sewing, knitting, etc. I have always considered myself creative, although I am not sure anyone else would describe me in this way. I am definitely not an artist and it may be a stretch to be even consider me artistic, but like Amy I do not like to think of myself as a crafter. The word that best describes me is creative. In my mind the things I create are as much of a part of me as my children. I think about them and work with whatever medium until it takes the shape of something that reflects something in me. I cannot imagine putting a price on my little creations.

Currently I am really interested in holiday decorations. I love transforming my living room for each holiday. It makes me smile when Adam comes out and points out the new additions. Here is a picture of the Valentine Banner I made.....I am happy with it, but more than anything, I learned a lot of different tricks and got a lot of ideas for more projects.

I also really enjoy creating the "perfect" rooms for my boys. Vintage Airplanes is the theme for Adam's room and Nursery Rhymes the theme for Nathan's. Here are a couple of pictures. I will write more about the details and how I developed these rooms. I love them!

Adam's Airplane Room

Nathan's Nursery Rhyme Room

A Squinty Eyed Smile

The other day I saw my son make a face that I had never seen before. It was a squinty eyed smile that seemed a little out of context for what was going on. He did it again and I realized that this was a look that he has picked up from me….I caught myself doing it when I was thinking about how lucky I am to have such a special boy as my son….a look of endearment you might say. I was most surprised that I believe my 17 month old was using this same expression to convey the same message back to me.

This was a little blessing that I did not expect to get. Had my son not mimicked this expression back at me, I might not have ever realized I do this. This got me thinking, what else am I unconsciously or subconsciously teaching my children. What do my words, actions, and expressions teach my children about God, race, gender, education, money, love, marriage, etc.

I could go on and on about the way society carelessly goes about teaching children hate, cynicism, despair, resentment, etc. But I would rather focus on change and what I can do than the brokenness that is already rampant in our world.

I hope that I teach my children about a loving God and that God created us all equal, but how do you do this when we are all human with our own faults and stereotypes? I spend a lot of my time in self reflection and personal growth. I feel like this is one way to develop a sound and consistent value system for my boys. I still have a long way to go, but I hope that this is a start, and I spend time everyday being intentional about the way I live and the values I teach.

Begin the year with the Y

I have had two children in the past 17 months and my body is paying the price. I have gained more than 30 pounds and have lost all traces of muscle tone and control...if you know what I mean. I have always enjoyed the gym, but this year I need to embrace it with a whole new vigor. Nathan was 6 weeks old last Thursday, this means he can go to Child Watch and I am back in the Gym.

Today was my first official day back. It was fun and refreshing. I turned on my fun red ipod and hit the cardio room. I plan to get set up with a trainer on Thursday. We will see where it goes. Let the 30 pound countdown begin.

A New Year

January is always a time for me to look at my life and evaluate the direction I am going. 2007 is a year of a lot of change....I am not a big fan of change....Nathan was born, I "retired" from my job, I am staying home with my boys.

To adjust I have started knitting and sewing, I am recommitting myself to writing, and I think I will try to review a book every Friday...which means reading a book a week. These are not just changes and activities to pass the time. I want to be interesting! I would love to be published and I want to find myself amidst all of the confussion of a broken family and a broken world.

I want to be interesting for myself, my kids, my husbands, and my friends. I think interesting is creative, unique, intelligent, and full of experiences. I pride myself having a variety of friends all with unique personalities and lives. I need to do my part in developing a well rounded life for a well rounded world.

"Read This and Tell Me What it Says" is the title of a book of short stories. To tell you the truth, I enjoyed the title more than the book and it has always stayed with me. I think that it takes us looking back and the help of others to see our true selves. That is what this blog is inteded to do.