Thursday, August 27, 2009

Comic Fun

Last Halloween my oldest wanted to be Spiderman. We went out early and looked for a costume and found the perfect one. He was soooooo cute. One of our many celebrations involved going to Aunt Linda's for an afternoon party. I was taking random pictures and came away with this pose. (He had no idea this was what Spiderman did.....I think he had lost his balance.) I have been trying to figure out with to do with the picture.
Here is what I came up with!!!!
I love it! What do you think?

Monday, August 24, 2009

Dancing in the Rain

I have been joking back and forth with a cousin recently. She posted something on Twitter about with every rain their is a rainbow and I told her (after the summer I have had) there still is no sign of a rainbow. She commented that I should pray for sunshine. Well, heck, here in Oklahoma in August I am SICK of sunshine and there is still no rainbow in sight. Then I went to church on Sunday, and found the answer I had been looking for.

Our minister preached a sermon entitled "Learn to Dance in the Rain." In a nutshell, it was about how there will be storms in our lives and the gift that God gives us is the ability to not be afraid to dance in the rain. This got me thinking. I do know how to dance in the rain. This was much easier when I was a child and had less inhibition, but I still remember.....I think. Dancing in the rain as an adult is a little different.

1. I know people may talk. Why is she so happy today? Wasn't she crying her eyes out yesterday?

2. I feel guilty. How can I have a party for my child and invite all of our friends and my dad's new wife? What would mom think? Should I take her picture down for the party so people don't feel uncomfortable?

3. Eventually you are going to have to clean up. Not just dry off, but really clean up and get things back to "normal".

On the other hand, things are not all that different now.

It feels good to think about nothing but the fun you are having in the moment.

This is what I did this weekend as I had my son's 4th birthday party. I had been dreading in for weeks. How can I be in charge of such a fun event when I still feel so sad? God gives us the ability to dance in the rain. I was dancing and I didn't even realize it. I sent out e-mail invitations a couple of weeks in advance, but the preparation for the party did not start until the day before. It all worked out and now I know why.
We turned the backyard playground into a superhero hideout.
We made capes for all of the kids....24 to be exact.
We strung flags to wave over head.
We invited all of my favorite superhero's!

The cake was a bit of a disaster. I can cook, I can knit, I can design invitations, I can sew. I CANNOT Bake!!! But, it worked out. I just wrote, "we've been attacked!"

A perfect way to celebrate the best day of my entire life.....when I became a mom. Two days later he started preschool. What a big boy.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

I am Back!

It has been two months, two weeks and two days since we found my mom. She died alone in her apartment at 57. This time has been a complete fog. I remember few of the details of everyday life but the memories of planning my mom's funeral and working out the business details post-mortem are forever going over and over in my head.

Well, life must go on and I am back. I am back from my three week hiatus in New Mexico and I am back to life as it is "after my mom died". Finally, I am back to blogging. This blog has been so cathartic over the past couple of years. I kept this as a sacred place where I talked about all of the wonderful things going on in my life.....outside of the hospital visits, sleepless nights, family arguments, and deep desperation of caring for a parent dealing with addiction. I was not sure I could or should continue after she died. Things are different now. I know how her story ends. There is no more hope that somehow she will pull out of the tailspin.

So, here is what I have decided. I will take it one day at a time (thanks AlAnon for the slogan). I will continue this blog and see how it goes. One of my favorite books to read with my children is We're Going on a Bear Hunt, by Michael Rosen. I love the part in each section that says, "you can't go over it, you can't go under it, we must go through it." This line has gone over and over in my head over the past several years and it is the approach I have decided to take in dealing with the overwhelming grief of losing my beautiful mother.

I'm Not Afraid!!!!