Thursday, August 13, 2009

I am Back!

It has been two months, two weeks and two days since we found my mom. She died alone in her apartment at 57. This time has been a complete fog. I remember few of the details of everyday life but the memories of planning my mom's funeral and working out the business details post-mortem are forever going over and over in my head.

Well, life must go on and I am back. I am back from my three week hiatus in New Mexico and I am back to life as it is "after my mom died". Finally, I am back to blogging. This blog has been so cathartic over the past couple of years. I kept this as a sacred place where I talked about all of the wonderful things going on in my life.....outside of the hospital visits, sleepless nights, family arguments, and deep desperation of caring for a parent dealing with addiction. I was not sure I could or should continue after she died. Things are different now. I know how her story ends. There is no more hope that somehow she will pull out of the tailspin.

So, here is what I have decided. I will take it one day at a time (thanks AlAnon for the slogan). I will continue this blog and see how it goes. One of my favorite books to read with my children is We're Going on a Bear Hunt, by Michael Rosen. I love the part in each section that says, "you can't go over it, you can't go under it, we must go through it." This line has gone over and over in my head over the past several years and it is the approach I have decided to take in dealing with the overwhelming grief of losing my beautiful mother.

I'm Not Afraid!!!!


ck said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish that I had something wise, or healing, or eloquent to say as you try to move forward with life. I know nothing I can say will lift the sorrow, but I want you to know that you have made an impact on me. I have spent the past hour reading through your blogs, and you have touched my heart with your writing. Blessings to you, and your beautiful family!

Kelsey said...

I'm glad you are "back." :)